Well I just got home after my surgery so I’m only gunna write a little bit. The surgery went very well, it didn’t seem real to me till the Dr. came in and drew all the lines on me. Luckily things happened pretty fast after this and within 10 minutes I was out. It’s very weird to have a guy come in and draw on you like a sculpture, adjusting the lines where he thinks they’ll look better, twisting you around and looking at you like an object.

I came out of surgery pretty good, with only a mild headache which im told is normal after the narcose. I slept on and off for the rest of the day with my wife and kid nearby, which I am so grateful for. I don’t know how I would have felt to wake up alone.

The next day is a different story. I woke up and had breakfast and generally didn’t feel good, so I laid back down. I reach back to scratch an itch on my back and when I pulled my hand back it was covered in blood. Very calmly I rang the nurse and told her that I was bleeding and showed her my hand, she very quickly called another nurse and they started looking around me and only now when they sat me up did I see my bed is covered in 2 big pools of blood.

Ok, now, I know a bit about the body and I know how much blood loss it takes to be dangerous and this is far from it so I’m not that worried, as long as they can stop it. She says that it’s likely I have a hematoma that ruptured durring the night. They sit me up and run to get some pressure bandage that I have had on since surgery to add more and stop the bleeding.

A few minutes into this the world started spinning and I thought “ohh crap I’m gonna faint”. So the nurse laid me back down on my bed and said we can wait till I’m better to continue, she tilted my bed upside down and open the IV up all the way. As I’m laying there my wife SMS’s me and I messaged her back that I was having a few problems. Since you can’t realy explaine things like this over SMS I decided to call her. A few sentences into the conversation I went from bad to worse and suddenly got violently ill.

I threw up all over my bed, my room mates table, the floor and my phone, with my wife still on it. :( I felt even worse after this so I simply said I’m gunna lay down now and hung up. Unfortunately they had to stop the bleeding, which I fully understood, and I sat up long enough for them to add more bandages. By now it’s obvoius something is wrong but the nurses can’t figure out just what yet it doesn’t look like I’ve lost a huge amount of blood but a look into my chart confirms that I lost over a liter in the OR. Ok well that can account for some of it.

Another nurse comes in to take a blood sample and a test confirms that my hemoglobine lvl is 5.1. Generaly tranfusion lvl is 5.0 however most plastic surgeons don’t do anything till it’s under 5.0, or so the nurse tells me. I’m also extremly anemic. Now the nurses are left with the problem of I can’t be moved but my bed has to be changed. So she decides to give me a quick sponge bath (which I am EVER so grateful for) and she changes the bed from one side to the other with me rolling sideways and her shoving and pulling the bedding under me. 4 hours later everything was clean and the bed was made, just in time for my family to show up.

Everyone comments on how crappy I look and mom, dad and Jan head downstairs. I tried to eat a little and just threw up again and spent the rest of the day again sleeping on and off hoping to wake up and magicly feel better. My wife and kid decide to go shopping in town a bit and let me sleep, which is probably better than sitting around watching me sleep lol. While they’re gone the Dr. comes in finally to see what’s wrong with me, he looks at my breasts and pokes around a bit and then wants me to sit up, so I do which sends me into another fit of puking. The Dr. very calmly states that I am sick because of my low blood levels since I didn’t get a transfusion and because of the narcose and I will feel better and can go home tomorrow. I can’t even believe what he is saying since I can’t stop heaving long enough to breath let alone argue. He tells me to hang in there and walks away after ordering a few more tests.

So after I’m done puking I lay back down and fade once again into the world of sleep. The family shows up again to say good night and they go down stairs to get coffee leaving my wife and kid with me, after a few minutes we send the kid down to get some hot chocolate and we say our good nights but just before she can say good night I’m off puking again. We rang the nurse to see if there’s anything she can do but it’s not been long enough since my last anti-puke medication so I can’t have anymore, not like it helped anyway.

The next day I woke up and magically felt better. The Dr. was right I guess, I just needed some time to get my blood straighted out. I got up and walked around a bit, changed into my real clothes and had breakfast, which I kept down. I got to wash up and after they took out my IV I also got a good look at my new breasts since they’ve been cleaned and the pressure bandages removed. I spent most of the day waiting on my family to come get me and talking with my new room mates kids, she was having a gallstone removed. I ate some lunch and had some tea and about 3:00 they showed up to take me home. One last question asked before I go home.. how much was removed ? 802g and 610g .. nearly a kilo and a half!!!

Now I’m home and so much happier but I’ve sat here way too long writing and must lay down again so more updates soon!!!

My surgery is at 8:15 tomorrow morning and I’ll be in hospital till at least wednesday. I’m so nervous and scared but I’m excited at the same time and I can’t wait to get this over with. I spent all yesterday packing my hospital bag and deciding which of my old bras I want to take… since I’m told to bring one in my size now and one in my new size and they aren’t sure how big I’ll be with the bandages and all. I decided to go with a 95G and a 110E. I’m not sure how much bandages I’ll have on but I don’t want the bra to be too tight. I’m also bringing a new sports bra that I just bought especially for the surgery; a 95C, it is soooo tiny lol. It hooks in the front since I thought that would be easier for after surgery since I’ll have to wear it 24/7 for a few weeks. It’s black and not terribly pretty but I have been window shopping for new bras and I am so excited by all the new styles and colors I’ll finally be able to wear. I found one that I like in particular at our lingerie shop and if all goes well with the size will be the first new bra that I get! It’s pretty and pink with red roses and a bow. I’ve been stuck with thick white bras that go from your collar to your waist and have 4-6 rows of clasps so I am ready to finally be able to wear pretty things lol.

Today we went and got my final bloodtest done for crossmatching so they know for sure which blood type I am. Also took some pics today which I hope to post soon but since I’ll be in bed for a while I don’t know how soon I’ll be able to update this. I had initally planned to move this to a new blog but I don’t think i’ll be able to so I will post some pics but they will mostly be links so people that want to see them can while others aren’t forced to. I hope to update this in the next few days with how things went and post-surgery pictures.

I can’t wait!

A few weeks after my first appointment for my surgery, as promised I recieved a packet of papers in the mail with tons of info and a few appointment times and dates. The first appointment I had was for blood work, a whole battery of tests and he took 6 huge tubes of blood, 3 days later on the 30th I had an appointment with the anesthesiologist.

This appointment went very smooth. She told me the kind of surgery I am going to have and went over the procedure again. She told me that I’m going to have an IV and that the anestetic will be put in through this. She told me that I’m going to feel very relaxed then just drift off to sleep which I’m very happy to hear as I know I’m going to be a nervous scared wreck the day of my surgery. I am already very scared but excited too. She also went over post-op pain and that I shouldn’t have any as if I do all I have to do is say so and they’ll fix it, also great news. She said I’ll spend a minimum of 1 night in the hospital depending on how I respond to the surgery could be more, which to me is also good news as I was kinda afraid that after one night they would say: “well you’re done see ya later”.

She also gave me a list of things I need to bring with me the day of my surgery, 2 bras - one in my new size and one in my old size without the metal bits, just in case the swelling is so much they can’t use the new bra. Which lead to my question, what size bra do I need to bring? I know I had mentioned a C but the Dr had said maybe a D would be better so at this point I am not sure, she also doesn’t know and recommends that I go down the hall to the plastic surgeon’s office and ask. Seems kinda odd to ask someone else, “hey what size bra do I want?” but I guess that’s my next stop as I do have a few more questions to ask as well. I also need to bring a loose change of clothing to go home in and not much else since I’ll be in a hospital gown for the duration of my stay.

She also mentions that because of all the bandaging and swelling that I may wake up and think, “yea, now I’m the same size I was earlier” and that I should be aware that a lot of it is going to be dressing and that I shouldn’t gauge size till a few weeks after the surgery. A good point to make since I hadn’t really thought of any of this. She answered a few of my questions which I’ll list at the end and took my blood presure and O2 levels both of which were perfect, amazing considering how nervous I was. She gave me another blood work paper which must be done the day before my surgery before 11 am and a phone number that I have to call the night before to see exactly what time my surgery is.

We leave there and head down to my doctors office to ask a few questions and are told there’s no Dr in the office atm but she writes them down and promises to call me back which she does a few hours later. My questions for today were:

1) Is there any conflicts between the medications im currently on and the anesthesia?
No, there are no known conflicts between the meds and anesthesia.

2) Could the medications I’m on cause any complications with the surgery and/or recovery?
No, the Fluoxetine that I’m taking will not have any effect on healing or blood flow/circulation.
I just have to remember to bring all my meds with me to the hospital.

3) What size bra do I need to bring?
A sports bra in a C cup (hurrah!!) and one of my current ones with the metal taken out.
Also I have read that you need to ask smaller as you generally get a little bigger as the Dr tends to err on the side of caution so I am prepared to end up with a D as well.

4) Can I continue to take the herbal supplements that I’m on, Ginkgo and such ?
Yes, there is no problem with taking Ginkgo up to my surgery date.

not a lot of questions today but I think of more everyday so I’ll be sure to add them as well.

My next apt is my surgery date, I hope to add some photo’s and such before then.

3 WEEKS and counting!!!

Well here’s a short post over how the weirdest shit happens.

In my bathroom we have a small shower with one of those massager showerheads that feels really good when the water is really hot. As I do every night I head in to take my shower, I’m washing my hair when suddenly I feel a huge pain in my shoulder and hear a huge cracking noise. The shower head somehow came off the wall and hit me with the force of the water behind it. A trip to the doctor’s post confirms it, my collar bone is broken. I’m not even sure the doctor believed my story as she kinda raised an eyebrow at me as I was explaining it. She poked around on it.. does this hurt? does this hurt? as I scream hmm yes guess it does.

So in short from one five minute shower I ended up with my arm in a sling for 4 weeks, 4 weeks off work at least and a hell of a lot of pain. Oh and the final topping to this cake, it’s my left collerbone, and I’m left handed so i can’t write either.

Well now it’s 2 weeks later and I had a checkup with my doctor yesterday, her first comment, yup still broken… I love this new doctor she’s funny. She said there’s a definate dimple in the bone which could mean that it’s either not set right or more probably the bone chipped. Either way there’s definitely a lot of bleeding in my shoulder and I still can’t use my arm, and shouldn’t. She gave me some muscle relaxers to make sure my neck doesn’t get over stressed due to the sling I have to wear all the time and agreed that I need at least 2 more weeks off work.

Well I haven’t broken anything since I was very young and with my doctor’s course I realize all the things that depend on such a small bone and I don’t want to damage the functionality of my arm of the muscles so I’m doing exactly as they say and doing nothing and taking all the time off that they recommend. The .. good… bad.. coincidental .. thing is that I’m off work till at least the 14th then I go back on leave for my surgery on the 25th for another minimum of 4 weeks. My work hates me right about now.

As Aba said, this would be hella funny had it happened to someone else… talk about freak accident, how many ppl can break their collar bone in the shower? Well I always said I am the exception, if theres 1,000,000,000 / 1 shot it can happen, I’ll get it, never fails.

Oh well, here’s my funny and bizzare tale for today.

Ok I’ll make a rather long post here but let me say first that I plan to post this on it’s own blog page so I won’t expose all the siblings to the personal nature of this blog.

Some of you know me personally and most of you don’t. From the few pics you’ve seen im sure you’ve noticed I am blond about 5 foot 2 inches and 75 kilos but what you don’t really see is that I have a HUGE chest. By US standards im a 36III, in EU sizes a 90G.

For years I have dealt with the emotional abuse and physical strain of having such a large weight on my chest, most ppl don’t realize that it IS a weight. It affects my back, shoulders, stomach and breathing just to name a few things. I can’t do anything physical because for one it hurts and for two I attract too much attention. I tired jogging but quit after causeing a car accident.

I have been trying for years to get a breast reduction but could never manage it in the states, here all I had to do was go to the my huisarts (family doctor) and get a referal. I had an appointment on the 3rd of september and just got my approval for surgery and a surgery date of November 25th. I have noticed that there really isn’t any real information about what to expect when you’re going through all this so I have decided to blog about my experiences in as much detail as I can.

This includes pictures of a graphic nature. There will be before and after pictures of my breasts and follow up pictures after surgery with stitches and all. Since this is my first blog I’ll keep it short and carry on my experiences on the other blog beginning with my first appointment and trying to give as much detail as I can of each step. The doctor said I’ll have a few appointments before surgery that she will mail me the dates of and number one thing I have to do is: loose weight. I’m having surgery to reconstruct my body, if I loose weight after then all the work they do will be for nothing, so I have almost 2 months to loose a few kilos. Of course I’ll loose about 7-9 kilos in the surgery itself.

Im very nervous but happy at the same time and I’m hoping the time goes by fast. I can’t wait to have this done.

At my first appointment the doctor examined me and the placement of my breasts, moved them around to test the muscles and informed me that the incision he will do is called an anchor. Because of my excessive size he will have to do a nipple transplant, which means that he will completely cut it out and replace it in a new position, which also means I’ll loose all nipple sensation. Not the best news today but I guess I can live with it. Then he will cut open the breast and remove tissue (about 3 kilos each, pretty much an amputation) and sew them back to form a good sized D cup. I’ll have a scar around my nipple, a line from the center of my nipple to the chest wall and a line along my breast along the chest wall, forming the anchor scar the process is named for.

He said the thing I need to look at now is that not only will I feel better but I need to be prepared for the physical look to change. I guess a lot of ppl go into this not really thinking about that part. My clothes will have to change, new bras, new shirts and I’ll finally be able to look down and see the floor!!!

Well that’s all I’m going to add for this blog till I get the new page up see ya’ll over there!!

Hi all!! I know I haven’t written in a long time but as you have probably read by Amorous’s post we have been kinda busy. Also I started a new job here FULL TIME yay for me!! It’s not the greatest job but it’s helping my dutch and yay for paying bills. The part I don’t like is that it pays only once a month :( I also started taking a Dutch for foreigners class since my spoken dutch is still horrible :)

So far my grades thus far are;

Biologie: 9,9,9,9,7,9 the 7 was from a skelet test :(

Dutch: 8, 10, 10, 10, 10 ( I got an 8 for plural errors :) )

English: 10

Moleculear theory: 9

Also I wanted to shout out to my sister …. GRATS on your birthday !! big 24!! hope your having a great one!!!

to my mom: happy birthday mom We miss you very much you would have been 61 today. I still think about you every day.

Any way guess thats all for now.. catch yal later

EDIT: got another 9 on a molecule test!
EDIT: added a few more grades

Sometimes things just don’t make sense and no matter how hard you try, it doesn’t work. Since I have made my decision to move here to Holland to be with my husband and his family I have made many sacrifices and lost quite a bit. All things I have accepted in order to make this happen and so we can be together and happy.

The last loss I have suffered was not at my hands however, I have tried for many months now to see whats going wrong and trying to fix it. However, somethings can only be fixed with the co-operation of all involved, such is the case now.

I have a friend or rather had a friend. She was my best friend, closer to me then even my family was. We have been there for each other through everything, divorces, kids, deaths.. even the funeral for her bird. Almost 25 years we have been friends. We spent at least 10 hours a day on the phone and when we lived closer were together constantly.

When I met my husband she was happy for me but worried cause it was over the internet and we had just gone through some scary stuff because of her internet relationship. They talked and over time became kinda friends, she is a little overwhelming sometimes. When he came to visit me in the states she was very happy for me and glad he finally made it here and of course we talked a lot on the phone about all that was going on. We got married while he was visiting me and she got, what seemed like, scared. When we started making plans for my husband to move to the states she was happy and wanted to see if we would move there by her so we can all be together. Then the unthinkable happened and my husband was denied entry into the US. OK, time to change plans.. If he can’t come here, I’ll go there. Here is where everything changed.

She started asking me if I was really ready to “throw my life away” for “some guy” and how do I know what he really wants from me. “Do you really trust him, a strange guy, around your daughter?” Questions that blew my mind and hurt me terribly. As we got closer to making the move a reality she started saying things like, “it’ll never work”, “I can’t believe you’re abandoning me for some guy”. Her statements got worse over time and the day we were to fly out of the country she actually accused my husband of doing this deliberately to take me away from her. Needless to say this was all a shock to me, I hung up got on my plane and didn’t call her again for a few months. When i finally did email her I let her know the things she did to hurt me and that was the reason why I hadn’t contacted, probably don’t need to mention here that in those months she never emailed me either. She emailed me back a few days later with a reply that said, I had hurt HER and I should have realized how much MY leaving would hurt those around me, and that she couldn’t believe that my husband had put me in a position to give up everything I had for him, which consisted of an ex hunting me down, dead end job, 15,000$ in debt, and facing loosing my house. And she is very busy now with school and working (at home) to be able to talk much anymore, I’m not sure how that works since I have a job, school (medical school in a foreign language) and 2 family nights a week, still play a decent amount of WoW and manage to chat all night and have time for other ppl. True to those words she has logged on MSN only a few times and only responded to my messages 2 times. I have sent a few emails that have gone unanswered and the last time she logged on MSN I messaged her to say hi, and she changed her to message to *DAVE message me- not answering IM’s*. I have not heard from her since.

So I guess the time comes for me to say goodbye to a 25 year friendship and my last emotional tie to the US. At least I can honestly say I tried. This is probably the most painful thing she could have ever done to me. Somehow I’m sure it’s all my fault to her.

Oh well, Game Over.

Just a short post about my school, thought most of you probably don’t know I’ve gone back to school or maybe I wrote it somewhere… in any case…. Out of 3 test recently I have gotten 3 ALL 3 back with 9’s !!!! ( out of 10 so yea its good) WWWWeeeee for me

Recently we’ve been looking for laptops for me for school and last sunday my father- in- law came over with an early birthday present for me and my daughter. Twin ASUS EEE PC’s. Awesome lil things about 9 inches wide and weighing only 1 kilo. They come with a UNIX system on them so it’s totally universal and expandable and absolutely PERFECT for my school. With the wireless card I have already spent many an hour sitting in my garden and doing my homework. Awesomeness !!!! Nogmaals bedankt!!!

Today my daughter and I went to the DR for the first time since we’ve been here. For me its to get my eyes and ears checked. For years I have had to wear glasses since in near-sighted in one eye and far-sighted in the other, shortly after arriving here we went to the eye dr and he said my vision is perfect, he even can’t seem to find my color blindness which I have been all my life so I have learned to adapt. I can identify colors almost as good as normal ppl. Anyway, recently the light has begun to effect my eyes more then it used to, so much so that even opening my curtains causes so much pain that I’m almost instantly bitchy.

Also my hearing, which has always been extraordinary, has seemed to have gotten worse, or better not sure which. Every single little sound hurts to a point where I can feel it vibrating deep in my ears. Everytime my daughter does dishes and I hear her move a plate along the counter I almost scream at her to stop cause it hurts so much. I went hoping the DR. could do something about it. What I was told is: there’s nothing wrong with my eyes or ears, she said perhaps I am just one of those people that is hyper-sensitive to the world around me and it’s getting stronger. Everything she described is me to a Tee, emotional and moods depending highly on those around me. Well, anyone that knows me knows i can read and feel people emotions. Diagnosis: I’m an over sensitive empath. … Prescription: Earplugs >.> greaaaaatttt

For my daughter, we took her because she has constant headaches and is always dizzy. After a few tests and some prodding of muscles that she didn’t like the DR announced that she has tension headaches and low blood pressure. Also known as bad posture and puberty, tho I don’t buy that last one. A few rounds of physiotherapy and a few more snacks in the day and she should be good as new. This is great news to her and to us because we feared worse such as diabetes and high blood pressure.

Anyway back to the other life!!

Well the Sony nightmare continues.

As friday came we got the call that my new phone was ready ….yay…. so we round everything up and head off to the store. After some overly complicated switching of pieces and other stuff from one box to another (tho im not sure why since he simply could have removed the phone from the box and handed it to me since he gave me back all my origonal parts)..

wOOt I has my phone back. I didn’t install any software but I uploaded 500 or so songs to my new M2 card specificaly designed for the sony ericsson s500i. No oddly named programs so it’s all good!

Well, today, saturday we headed off to the Zwarte markt, black market, tho not as shady as it sounds lol. We ran across a few hundred cell phone companies and one that says it can make my phone sim lock free so we figure we will give it a try since the other place we went says that he can’t do it. He says leave my phone and come back in 15 min or so. ok sure why not. So we go walking around the other areas looking at games and other random pc stuffs and come back in about 30 minutes. He says the flash is taking longer then he expected and can we come back in another 15 minutes. hmm ok sure. After walking around again and returning he says that the flash didn’t work but he has another version he can try. Ok yes try it, I have a 2 years subscription to a service I can’t use as long as I’m locked into this prepay thing. Once again we go walking and then return and once again we are sent to return in a bit. Each time we return this booth is very busy with more and more ppl around it, there are 3 guys and a kid behind the counter but none seem to be able to do anything without the direct approval of the “one in green”. This is the guy that we have been dealing with everytime we come back and i’m allready, at this point, getting annoyed that every time we come back he kinda blows us off and does other things. Even if he comes to talk to us he’ll grab something else and walk away.

OK, so we return again and he says theres nothing he can do for my phone, the software is uploading but sony has it blocked so it won’t work… Grrr now I know I’ve just wasted 3 hours for nothing. bah oh well, at least we tried. We grab my phone and head off to another hall and my hubby goes to put my sim card back in and something is terribly wrong. Ok, don’t panic turn it off and back on, that works.. right? after a few minutes of wondering why it won’t turn back on it finaly does in like 768 resolution. My whole screen is smeered and the icons are so huge I can’t even scroll to see them all. oh no….damn

So we turn right around and take it back to the “guy in green” that just broke it and show him, hes never seen anything like it. He says sure no problem i’ll just reflash it and it’ll be fine give me 15-20 minutes …. great more waiting. At this point my husband and I are deciding weather this phone is really worth all the trouble, maybe I should just sell the phone and buy a new one since, if he’s right I cannot unlock this phone and i’ll be wasting my subscription plus paying for a prepaid sim card. Ok long enough, we go back to the guy and after being ignored once again for 20 minutes he finaly tells us that it’s not fixed but he wants to give it to a friend and if that doesn’t work he’ll give me a new one. All I can think at this point is &^*(& %^^% &&^& *^&(* !!!! Ok so we’re off to eat and we will be back. After some more talk we decided to just sell this phone on marktplaats and buy a new one. As we go back, to be ignored again, he say’s he can’t figure it out, so he gives me a new handset, which voids the warrenty AND insurance I have on this phone, and say’s hes very sorry. Well I know it’s not totaly his fault but im still pissed over being ignored, so I take my phone and we leave.

As we are walking around the bazzar we come across another lil phone store where the guy is happily eating some fries. One phone catches my eyes so I want to stop and look, it’s the same one I was looking at earlier in another store… the new Motorola pink razor. After talking to the guy for a few minutes he tells us that the new razor has software issues and he thinkis i’s not a good phone, so he shows us the Razor V3, the exact same model I had in the US (at this point I notice these phones are used). He wants 60 euro for it. Not soooo bad but I really don’t want to buy a second hand razor since their kinda tempremental. As I start to tell my husband this the guy says IF I like this one but I want a new one he has “this” one. This one being the new motorRIZR. Brand new quad band, silk touch, mp3 player.. the works.. only 180,00 euro… Ouch. In the process over us talking about this phone I pull my phone out and tell him the troubles we had with it. He informs me that you simply can NOT unlock the Sony. That the Sony company has something in their software that prevents you from altering their programs in ANY WAY… (didn’t work on the virus you notice). He offers to take my phone as a trade in and for a further 80 euros I can have this RIZR. Well, I like this phone but it’s still alot of monies so we say we’d like to walk around some more and talk about it. This guy immediatly drops the price to 70,00 euro. After about 30 minutes we leave this booth with a new 180,00 euro simlock FREE RIZR phone that we payed 60,00 euro for and yay for no more sony headaches. I have loved the motorola phone since I bought my RAZOR in the US.

SO, for now this nightmare is over… I am never buying another sony product for as long as I live. Every single one I have bought over the last few years has been a waste of money and a headache.

FYI you can NOT at all make the sony ericsson s500i sim lock free- at this point do not try you will only destroy your phone.